Emotional Traffic Jams - What's Really Blocking You

I used to commute from New Jersey to New York City. On a good day, it would take 45 minutes. On a bad day? Three hours. And on one particularly painful day, it took me three and a half hours to travel just 32 miles.

Sitting in that car, inching forward at a glacial pace, I’d spiral.

I should’ve left earlier. Why didn’t I take the train? Why didn’t I drive yesterday instead? Why do I even live in such a crowded area?

Eventually, I’d surrender—not to peace, but to misery. I’d go numb. By the time I parked and stepped out, I could barely move my legs.

And yet... that traffic jam taught me something.

That’s exactly what emotional overwhelm feels like.

The Mental Freeway

Imagine your mind as a freeway. Every thought, responsibility, regret, or fear is another car you’re letting onto that road.

• The promotion you didn’t get? That’s one car.

• Listening to your friend vent about their partner? Another car.

• Your bank account balance? Car.

• That book you’ve been meaning to write? Yep—add it to the freeway.

• Your inner critic whispering you’re not enough or you’re behind? That’s a whole convoy.

It’s no wonder we get stuck. Just like real traffic, if you flood the highway with too many cars, everything slows down—sometimes to a dead stop.

The Exit Strategy

Here’s the thing: not every car needs to be on your road.

Next time you find yourself looping on a negative thought—or worrying about something from the past or future that’s totally out of your control—try this:

Visualize it as a car. Then picture it taking the next exit.

Seriously. That thought?
→ Off the freeway.
That person’s drama that’s not your responsibility?
→ Exit ramp.
That guilt you’ve been dragging from something you can’t change?
→ Gone.

You’ll never eliminate traffic completely—but you can control what gets to ride with you.

What Cars Do You Want on Your Road?

Not every thought deserves your energy. Choose which cars you let on your mental freeway.

• Your kids’ happiness? Green light.

• Taking care of your mental and physical health? Let it through.

• Moments of joy, creativity, connection? That’s the good traffic.

Everything else? Let it take the bus.

If your inner freeway is too jammed to see the exits, coaching can help you clear the road.

Take the free Core Emotional Needs Assessment or book a free session and let’s start clearing space for the things that matter.

The Ultimate “F” Word

People throw around what we traditionally consider the “F word” in public like it's no big deal—at baseball games, at the beach, in grocery store aisles. We say it casually, loudly, even around children and elders. There’s no hesitation, no fear.

That’s the actual “F” word we avoid involves our real fears.

Fear has become completely forbidden. We don’t talk about it, and often, we won’t even admit it to ourselves.

So let’s talk about it.

For me, fear often wears one mask: rejection. I’m afraid of giving something my all and realizing it wasn’t enough. I’m afraid that if you see who I really am and walk away, it’ll confirm every childhood wound I’ve carried—like when my fourth-grade teacher told me I was a terrible artist, or when I didn’t make the first college baseball team I tried out for. Or that middle school dance where I stood frozen, afraid to ask anyone to dance.

I’m sorry if all this “F word” talk makes you uncomfortable. But maybe it’s time we get uncomfortable—because silence is what makes fear grow. Left unspoken, it starts running the show behind the scenes, influencing every decision we make.

But fear doesn’t stand alone. It usually brings a friend: shame.

Shame tells us we’re the only ones who’ve failed, who’ve felt rejected, who’ve messed up. It paralyzes us and silences our vulnerability. The antidote to shame is not strength—it’s normalizing discomfort. When we talk about our fears, our mistakes, our longing to grow, we loosen shame’s grip.

And here’s where my favorite “A word” comes in: Action.

Not just any action—courageous action. I often talk about building your “action muscles.” When you act in spite of fear, when you accept that rejection is part of the process, you grow stronger. You stop trying to prove you’re enough and start living like you are. That’s the difference between showing off and showing up.

But fear—left unchecked—turns into procrastination. Into inaction. And we unknowingly pass it down through how we manage, parent, and interact. I know I have. As a producer in creative meetings, I didn’t always listen. Sometimes I judged too quickly. Instead of being present, I was already rewriting the pitch in my head. That behavior kills creativity.

Now, as a coach, my job is to hold space, not fill it. I ask questions instead of giving answers. I help my clients discover their own wisdom. When you truly listen to someone, without needing to be right or impressive, they open up. That’s where the transformation happens.

So how do we begin to rewrite our relationship with fear and shame?

3 Ways to Overcome Fear and Shame

1. Be Imperfect

I have a YouTube series called Imperfect Friday where I share messy, real-life moments. Why? Because perfectionism is just protectionism—it’s a shield to avoid being seen and judged. But growth doesn’t come from hiding. It comes from showing up, flaws and all.

2. Talk About It

If something scares you, speak it. Write it in your journal. Say it to a friend. The treasure we seek is often in the cave we fear most. And the moment you name your fear, you shrink its power.

3. Listen Without Armor

Practice being fully present with someone. Not to fix. Not to advise. Just to hear them. When you hold space for others, you teach your nervous system it’s safe to be vulnerable too. That’s when real connection—and healing—happens.

The next time fear whispers that you’re not enough, light your lantern, step into the cave, and remember - you’re not alone, and you’re braver than you think.

There Is No Finish Line

Life can feel a lot like one of those Greyhound dog races.

All the dogs are sprinting, chasing a mechanical rabbit they’re never going to catch. And the crowd cheers. But the truth is, that rabbit was never meant to be caught. It’s just there to keep the race going.

A lot of us live our lives the same way—believing that once we achieve our goal, everything will be okay. We’ll finally feel happy. Finally feel secure. Finally feel worthy.

But here’s the truth:
There is no finish line.

There is no magical moment when life gets “fixed.” No promotion, relationship, or number on the scale that will make all the pain go away.

Goals are great—I love them.
But they’re not destinations.
They’re stepping stones.
And if you mistake them for your salvation, they will break your heart.

When I Thought I “Made It”

I remember the first time I came to New York City to interview for The Rosie O’Donnell Show. I was laughed out of the room. Wearing a suit. Holding a briefcase. I felt like a joke.

As I left the building, dejected, someone invited me into the audience of Late Night with Conan O’Brien. It was magical. I even danced onstage during his warm-up, and he called me Mini-Harry Connick Jr. I swore to myself right then:

I will come back here. I will have my own show in this building.

Fast forward 20 years.

I’m sitting in the executive suite at 30 Rock across from the president of NBC. He says yes to a new talk show I pitched with Meredith Vieira.

And just like that… I was producing a show in the same studio where I once danced in the audience.

At first, it was a dream come true.

But then excitement turned into anxiety.

Instead of producing from joy and confidence, I was producing from fear.
I wasn’t celebrating—I was gripping. Afraid of losing it.

The Real Work Is Internal

This is what happens when you mistake a goal for healing.

You set out to lose 50 pounds, and the compliments keep you going. Then you hit the number, and suddenly… the praise stops. And so does your motivation.

You gain it all back.
Because what you really needed wasn’t weight loss.
It was validation.
Belonging.
Worth.

No external success can fill that hole.

Only you can.

So yes—set your goals. Chase them. Celebrate the wins.
Just don’t confuse them with your self-worth.

Because in life, there is no finish line.
There’s only the step you’re on.
Make sure it’s rooted in love—not lack.

The Most Important Moment Of Your Life Is Right Now

For a big portion of my life, I was what I called a "looper." Something bad or embarrassing would happen — something I did, or something someone did to me — and I would replay it in my mind endlessly. Over and over. A memory that should have been a moment would become a prison.

I remember one moment vividly.

I had been working incredibly hard on a TV show, getting a lot of praise behind the scenes from my boss. Then, during a meeting with all the network executives, he had a complete meltdown and publicly attacked me. It stunned me. I was hurt and confused — but also determined to clear the air.

So at the end of the day, after the entire staff had gone home, I went into his office to have a calm conversation. I thought it would help. I thought it would show professionalism. Instead, he exploded again — worse this time — calling me names, personally attacking me, tearing me down.

I went home devastated.
I could only focus on this terrible loop.
I couldn’t function.

.
I looped the entire event in my head, blaming myself for having the courage to speak up.

That's what loopers do:

We blame ourselves for being human. We convince ourselves we did something to deserve the mistreatment. We torture ourselves with the past — something we can't change.

It almost makes me laugh now.
How could I have blamed myself for trying to do the right thing?

Learning about presence — especially through Eckhart Tolle and meditation — finally taught me to break free from the loop. It taught me something simple but life-changing:

The most important moment of your life is right now.
And now.
And now.

The only moment that matters is this one.

Now is where happiness lives.
Now is where your future is shaped.
Now is where every action that changes your life happens.

Your past?
It’s just a memory of a memory of a memory — distorted by time, emotion, and perception.
It isn’t even real anymore.

Now is real.
Now is the only thing that's real.

And here's the beautiful part:
If you didn’t take advantage of "now" before? That’s okay.
Because now is here again. Right now.

Three Ways to Stay in the Now:

1. Notice your loops.

When you catch yourself replaying something from the past, say to yourself: "That’s not happening anymore." Bring your attention gently back to this moment.

2. Create an anchor.

Use simple reminders — like focusing on your breath, feeling your feet on the ground, or asking yourself, "What’s happening right in front of me?" — to stay grounded in now.

3. Forgive yourself quickly.

The past does not define you.
You are not the mistakes you made or the pain you endured.
Forgiveness — especially for yourself — unlocks your power to be present.

You don’t have to be perfect to be free.
You just have to be here.
And you already are.

Are You Your Own Superhero?

When I started out as a producer, I was constantly looking for what I didn’t have.

I entered the business with a thick Massachusetts accent. My dad worked in a factory, and all my friends were blue-collar guys. Suddenly, I found myself in a world full of Ivy Leaguers who were worldly and sophisticated. They laughed at references I didn’t understand — jokes about characters from novels I’d never read.

At the time, I was working as a production assistant. The executive producer of the show was the most charismatic person I had ever met. He was British, and he could make anything sound amazing. One time, I was pitching an idea I had spent weeks developing, and in the middle of it he interrupted to say, “I think I’ll have a turkey sandwich for lunch.”

Suddenly, everyone in the room perked up. They’d barely listened to my pitch, but his turkey sandwich announcement? Applause-worthy. That’s how magnetic he was.

Later, he walked in one day and said, “I sold a show called When Twins Go Bad.” I asked what it was about. He said, “That’s what I have you for. Now, where’s my turkey sandwich?”

He could literally sell a show based on the title alone.

I remember thinking: I’ll never be that guy. Maybe I’m not cut out for this.

The co-executive producer was the ultimate smooth operator. He flirted with the host. Gave her massages before the show. It worked for him. But for me? I’m pretty sure I would’ve been arrested and escorted off the premises.

I thought, Well, I can’t do that either. So… now what?

I kept working and creating. Taking meetings. Getting better. Getting sharper. All while working alongside James Bond and Casanova.

Then one day, as I was rising up the ranks, the executive producer pulled me aside. He said,
“Your gift is that this staff respects you. They will do anything for you.”

It hit me.

My superpower wasn’t a British accent or flirtation skills.
My superpower was me.

It was my sense of humor.
It was how deeply I cared about the team.
It was how I made people feel seen, safe, and human — even in high-pressure situations.

I wasn’t the loudest voice in the room, but I made sure the voices around me mattered.

And guess what? That’s how I became an executive producer. Not by copying someone else’s powers — but by owning mine.

So often in life, we look at the people who have what we want and assume the only way to get it is to be them.

But that was their road to success.
You can pave your own.

By all means, have role models. Learn from those who’ve come before you. But remember:
You have gifts they don’t have.
And they have gifts that aren't meant to be yours.

When you try to play to someone else’s strengths, you stop developing your own. That’s a losing game.

Shaquille O’Neal is a Hall of Famer. So is Kobe Bryant.

Did they train hard? Yes.
Did they have grit? Of course.
But their blueprints were entirely different.

There are many roads to success.
The shortest one? The road you’re meant to be on — powered by the resources you already have.

Want to Discover Your Superpower? Start Here:

1. Audit Your Edge – What do people thank you for the most? What comes naturally to you that others struggle with? That’s often your hidden strength.

2. Stop Performing, Start Showing Up – The more real you are, the more valuable you become.

3. Trust the “Uncool” Stuff – Humor. Kindness. Clarity. Heart. The things you think are small? That’s where your impact lives.

If You’re Reading This:

Stop comparing your journey to someone else’s highlight reel.

You don’t need to become them.
You need to become more of you.

That’s your edge.
That’s your fuel.
That’s your superhero origin story.

Why “I’m Not Good Enough” Isn’t the Truth — and How to Move Past It

I’m Not Good Enough!

Have you ever heard that voice kicking around in your head? I know I have. It often pops up just when you're building the courage to chase something you really want. Maybe you think, "I'm going to start writing that screenplay." And then the doubt creeps in: "Who are you fooling? Everyone will laugh at you. You’re too old to start something like that."

Whether it’s learning to play guitar, switching careers, or writing a blog, negative self-talk shows up in many forms. But if you boil it down, it often centers around the belief: “I’m not good enough.”

I’ve worked with so many clients who struggle with this exact thought. And honestly? I’ve battled it myself too. Often times, we don’t even know it is there. It isn’t something we consciously walk around saying. That is what makes it even more detrimental. It is lurking around in your subconscious mind and blocking you from achieving what you want in life.

In Neuro-Linguistic Programming (NLP), believing “I’m not good enough” is a limiting decision.
Like all limiting decisions, it wasn’t something you were born believing. At some point — usually before the age of seven — something happened that made you decide, deep in your subconscious mind, that you weren't good enough.

Maybe it was a teacher’s harsh comment. Maybe it was a moment where you felt unseen or unimportant. Whatever the trigger was, it planted a seed — and unless you pull it out by the roots, it can quietly shape your life for decades.

One of my favorite tools to work with this is something from NLP called Parts Integration. When I use this with a client, I help them connect to the part of themselves that feels "not good enough" — and the part that knows they are capable and worthy. Instead of fighting with these parts, we integrate them. Because even that voice of doubt is trying, in its own way, to protect you — usually from disappointment, embarrassment, or failure.

But staying "safe" often means staying small. And you were meant for more than that. If you’ve ever struggled with feeling “not good enough,” here’s something to remember:

That belief was learned.
Anything learned can be unlearned.
And you have everything you need inside you to move forward.

You’re not broken.
You’re not behind.
You’re not too late.

Here are three simple tools you can start using today to move through those feelings of “not good enough”:

1. What If? — Imagine the Possibility

Ask yourself:

"What would it look like if I was good enough?"

Spend a few minutes journaling two short paragraphs where you are already enough.
What are you doing?
How do people respond to you?
What does your life look and sound like?

By stepping into this "what if" world, you begin creating new pathways in your brain — and new possibilities in your life.

2. Memory Lane — Gather Your Evidence

Think back to three times in your life when you took a chance — and it worked out. Maybe it was a job you landed, a project you finished, or a relationship you built.

Write down these three memories in a journal.
Then revisit them every morning for the next week.
Let them remind you:

You’ve been good enough all along.

3. Redefine Failure — Success by Learning

What if you could see failure as just feedback?

Instead of seeing a mistake as proof you’re not good enough, see it as one more step toward finding what does work.

Every "failure" is simply a test that brings you one step closer to success.

Final Thought

That voice that says you're not good enough?
It was never the truth.
It was just a story your younger self created to try to stay safe.

You don’t have to believe it anymore.

You are more ready than you think.

And your next step — no matter how small — is enough.

If this resonated with you and you want to dive deeper, feel free to reach out. Helping people move beyond these old stories is one of my greatest joys. FREE CONSULTATION

Knowledge Is Power - Just Be Careful Where You Get It

In today’s world, it’s impossible to scroll through social media without stumbling upon an “expert” sharing life-changing advice. Maybe you’re simply looking to learn how to knit scarves for your family, but before you know it, you’re bombarded with videos promising you that you can scale your scarf business to $10K a month. Whatever your goal—whether it’s improving your real estate leads or launching a side hustle—someone will claim to have the secret sauce to success and, of course, they want to sell it to you.

Here’s the problem. Many of these experts use scare tactics to make you feel inadequate. They drag you through endless content, feeding you promises of riches and success, while failing to deliver any real value. You might Google something simple like, "How do I increase my real estate leads?" and end up on a video that looks like this:

“Only 5% of realtors make it to their second year. Don’t be a statistic. I’ve helped thousands of realtors transform their businesses overnight. But I won’t tell you exactly how I do it. What I will tell you is that there are three keys to success that I can’t fully share here. However, for just $90 (down from $9,995!), I’ll send you my course, my workbook, and a mystery bonus you won’t want to miss.”

It doesn’t matter what you’re trying to achieve—there’s someone out there making big promises. And often, they’re offering very little in terms of substance.

Take it from me. Once I started posting content—videos, blogs, and even launching a website—the unsolicited messages began flooding in. Some were helpful; others, not so much. Like the time I got a DM from someone telling me, “It’s sad to see what’s happening to you. You’re putting out content, and nobody’s watching. But don’t worry—I can help you get 10K followers in just a few months.” This person had 476 followers.

I’ve been solicited by people promising to take me to the “promised land” at least 50 times in just this year alone. It’s tempting to think that there’s some shortcut to success, but here’s the truth: most of these people are experts in one thing—selling dreams, not results.

But that doesn’t mean all advice is bad. There are people out there who genuinely offer value. I like to think I’m one of them. The key is recognizing that many of these "expert" tactics work because they prey on a limiting belief: the feeling that you're not good enough. They sell you a dream, but it’s not the reality of business growth.

Building something that lasts comes down to two things: action and reaction. You need to take consistent action, analyze what works and what doesn’t, and adjust your strategy. Knowledge is power—but only when it’s applied correctly. If you can find someone who’s been where you want to go, who’s achieved the success you’re after, learn from them. Just make sure they’ve actually done it, rather than just talking about it.

3 Keys to Trusting the Source

1. They offer real value, not just sales pitches. If their content is packed with helpful advice, subscribe. If it’s all fluff and fear-mongering, steer clear.

2. They don’t guarantee specific results. No one can promise that you’ll achieve certain outcomes. The best experts give you the tools to succeed, but it’s up to you to take action.

3. They’ve actually done what they’re teaching. It’s one thing to talk about success; it’s another to prove you’ve lived it.

Be cautious about where you get your knowledge. Choose wisely, and make sure that what you’re learning is truly worth your time.

AND most importantly, don’t let the noise discourage you from what it is you want to achieve. That noise is intended to scare you and make you feel like you aren’t good enough. You can do it! Take action and learn from the right people!

Only So Many: Choosing How We React to Life’s Inconveniences

What if, instead of asking “Why me?” when something bad happens, you used a simple mindset shift to feel better?

Imagine that in life, certain inconveniences are bound to happen—almost like they’re scheduled events. You’re going to get pooped on by a bird three times. You’re going to get a parking ticket 15 times. You’re going to bite your tongue 37 times.

The numbers aren’t important. What matters is the perspective: Today was just the day for this to happen. It wasn’t personal. It wasn’t a punishment. It was simply one of the inevitable moments that life doles out.

When you think this way, the “Why is this happening to me?” emotion disappears, and you’re left with only the facts.

A Ticket, a $2,000 Repair, and a Choice

I learned this recently when I got pulled over by the police while driving my daughter. We were on our way to pick up my car after paying a hefty $2,000 repair bill. I was already feeling the weight of the expense when flashing lights appeared in the rearview mirror.

The officer came to the window, and I realized I had no idea where my wife’s car registration was. The insurance card? Also missing. Perfect recipe for stress, right?

Instead of panicking, I calmly searched the glove box and then asked if I could show proof of insurance through an app. The officer grumbled that I should have a physical copy, but it would be fine. Then he added, “I’m giving you a ticket for going 40 in a 25.”

Now, those tickets always feel like gotcha moments. 40 mph isn’t fast, and when police sit and wait in those zones, it’s frustrating. In the past, I would have been furious. But this time, I smiled. I stayed calm.

My daughter asked, “Dad, how can you be so calm?”

I told her:

"In my life, I will have unexpected car repairs. Today was just one of those days.
In my life, I will get a certain number of tickets. Today was just one of those days.
But in my life, I will only have so many chances to teach you that you get to choose how you react.

That is your choice.

You can choose to be frustrated. You can choose to let something small ruin your day. Or you can choose calm. You can choose to move on. You can choose to keep enjoying the day.”

Only So Many

There are only so many times you’ll see a sunrise.
Only so many times your child will ask you to read a bedtime story.
Only so many morning walks with the dog.

The little good things in life? They are just as limited as the little bad things. The difference is, we don’t keep count of them the same way.

So next time something frustrating happens, remind yourself: Today was just one of those days. And then ask yourself: What small, beautiful moment did I get today?

Because there are only so many of those, too.

Ready! Set! Action!

Whoever I coach, I am wholeheartedly rooting for. I’ve been incredibly fortunate that my clients have achieved great results, and as a coach, I get to share in that pride and gratitude. Some see results almost immediately, while others take a little longer. Over time, I’ve started to notice patterns. What makes one person achieve success faster than another? It all comes down to one word: action.

Once we get their mindset right and clear out old stories holding them back, we create a plan for what they want to achieve. The clients who commit fully and take consistent action are the ones who see the biggest breakthroughs. When success isn’t coming as fast as we would like, it almost always traces back to not taking enough action.

When making a shift, it can seem scary and make us reluctant to act. What if it doesn’t work? What if this is a big waste of time? What if I should be taking different action? These are all natural questions, but you don’t get the answer to any of these questions unless you take action. Action will give you results to work with. They aren’t always the results you wanted, but they lead you to answers and eventually to the result you are seeking.

If success really comes down to taking action, why don’t more people just do it? Because before action happens, people have to break through the things that stop them. That’s where coaching comes in.

Some of the most common action blockers I see:

• Perfectionism – You don’t start because you’re afraid of being judged. You want everything to be perfect before you take action, but by the time you’ve spent all that energy preparing, you’re exhausted.

• Overwhelm – You’re looking too far ahead instead of focusing on the first step. Instead of just recording a podcast on your computer, you start worrying about the name, the guests, the editing—until it feels impossible, and you give up.

• Lack of clarity – You’re trying to take action without first defining what you actually want. Success requires clarity: What do you want? When do you want it? Who do you want it with? Once you know that, the next step becomes obvious.

• Fear Of Not Being Good Enough – You worry that if you take action and still don’t succeed, it will prove you weren’t good enough. But nobody is great right out of the gate. You grow by starting and learning along the way.

• Lack of time – Just the thought of adding one more thing to your plate feels exhausting. The way through this isn’t waiting for free time to appear—it’s making time. Restructure your schedule. Start your day earlier. Protect your time instead of giving it away to things that don’t serve you.

You don’t need to have all the answers before you start. Moving forward despite doubt and fear will teach you more than waiting ever will. Action is the bridge between where you are and where you want to be. The only question is: Are you willing to take the first step?

Your Business May Be Missing A CEO - And It’s You

Ask any solopreneur what they do, and they’ll rattle off a list of 30 different jobs. You’re the CEO, customer service rep, accountant, legal advisor, social media manager, lead magnet creator—and, oh yeah, the expert in whatever business you’re actually running.

The biggest mistake solopreneurs and small business owners make? They spend almost no time as the CEO and almost all their time as the employee. Instead of building a business that works for them, they work for their business.

The Cycle That Keeps Entrepreneurs Stuck

Many solopreneurs I work with come to me feeling stuck and frustrated. Ironically, they already have the tools they need—they’ve read all the business books, taken the courses, and could probably teach a masterclass themselves.

Their problem isn’t knowledge. It’s execution.

They start strong, following their strategy step by step—until life happens. A crisis at home. A demanding client. A backlog of tasks that suddenly feels overwhelming. Before they know it, the plan gets shoved to the bottom of the to-do list, and they’re back to scrambling just to keep up.

The CEO-Employee Exercise That Changes Everything

When I work with clients, I have them put on their CEO hat and talk directly to their "employee self." They say whatever they need to say. Then, they switch roles—putting on their employee hat and responding to the CEO. Finally, they step into the role of a neutral observer, reflecting on what they just heard.

What comes out of this exercise is often transformational. They realize:

• As employees, they’re not using their time wisely.

• As CEOs, they’re not structuring the workflow effectively.

You Need a CEO—Even If You Work Alone

Maybe you’re reading this thinking, I’m not a solopreneur—I just write for Substack, create content, or sell online courses.

Guess what? You are a solopreneur. And chances are, you haven’t hired your CEO yet. That means your company is running without anyone actually in charge.

How to Step Into Your CEO Role

End each day by writing two journal entries:

1. One from the employee perspective—What went well? What felt overwhelming? What do you need from leadership?

2. One from the CEO perspective—What’s the big-picture vision? What needs to change to make this business run better?

And one more thing: If your employee self is begging for a Saturday off to spend with family, give it to them. You wouldn’t demand a stranger work 24/7—so don’t do it to yourself.

This Blog Is Not Perfect!

I recently posted a video called “The Three P’s of Perfectionism,” and it resonated with so many of you. High achievers often struggle with perfectionism, sometimes even viewing it as a strength. But in reality, perfectionism can keep you stuck, stressed, and second-guessing yourself. This is especially true if you’re a solopreneur or small business owner, where decision-making is constant.

So, how do you know if perfectionism is a problem for you? Let’s break it down:

The Three P’s of Perfectionism

P – Paralysis – You overthink and hesitate because you fear judgment. Maybe you receive an important email but take days to respond because you’re obsessing over the perfect wording.

P – Preparation – You over-prepare! You make a list… to make another list… to make another list. You convince yourself you need just one more thing before taking action.

P – Procrastination – You push things down the road, waiting for the perfect moment that never comes. You take action only at the last possible second—if at all.

One comment on my video perfectly captured perfectionism’s trap: "I really didn’t want to watch this because I’ve already fixed my perfectionism… but I watched anyway, just in case." That’s perfectionism in action—even the act of overcoming it has to be perfect.

How Perfectionism Creeps Into Business

Many solopreneurs I coach struggle with perfectionism in their marketing. Almost all of them say they wish they were doing more on social media, but fear of judgment or not getting it just right holds them back.

Think about it—how many potential clients are you missing? How much revenue are you leaving on the table? What if, instead of chasing perfection, you focused on progress?

The Core Emotional Needs Behind Perfectionism

Perfectionism is often tied to two core emotional needs:

1️⃣ “Do I have purpose?” – You get caught up in finding the perfect path. And when you can’t find it, you stay stuck.

2️⃣ “Am I good enough?” – You seek validation through perfection. Deep down, you feel insecure and believe if you do everything perfectly, you’ll finally be enough.

If you’re curious about your core emotional need, I offer a free 60-second assessment you can take. Core Emotional Need Survey

5 Ways to Overcome Perfectionism

✅ Build Action Muscles – Take imperfect action. When I started posting content, I was nervous. Now, I’m a posting machine. It all started with that scary first step. “Practice makes better.”

✅ Be Present – Perfectionism lives in the past (where you developed limiting beliefs) and the future (where you fear failing). The present is all that matters.

✅ Fact-Check Yourself – Are you making up worst-case scenarios? Ask yourself: Is this fear real, or just a story I’m telling myself?

✅ Embrace Mistakes – No one just jumps on a bike and rides. Falling is part of the process.

✅ Celebrate Wins – If you only celebrate big successes, you’ll never feel good enough. Instead, acknowledge small wins along the way. Did you finally buy the podcast mic without researching it for months? That’s a win!

I’ll leave you with the words of the incredible Brené Brown:
“Perfectionism is a twenty-ton shield we lug around thinking it will protect us when, in fact, it’s the thing that’s really preventing us from taking flight.”

So, what’s one imperfect action you can take today? Drop a comment or reply—I’d love to hear from you!

Why I Was Terrified Of Social Media - And How I Overcame It

For years, I was terrified of social media. I was afraid to post a picture or share a positive message with someone I cared about. I told myself I just didn’t like it, but the truth was, I was afraid of being judged.

When I started my coaching business, I knew I couldn’t let fear hold me back. I told myself, "There’s no failure, only learning." So, I built a website, created business cards, joined networking groups, and started working with clients. I was testing every avenue to grow my business.

But as I observed other successful coaches, one thing became clear: they all had a strong social media presence. If I wanted to reach my goals, I’d have to embrace this too.

Studying mindset and learning neuro-linguistic programming helped me look at things differently. But even with these tools, I still felt frozen. What if nobody watched my videos? As a television producer, that felt humiliating. What if people used it to make fun of me behind my back? What if the people I worked with in TV saw it and it impacted my career?

I was playing a game of “what if?”—but never considering the positive side of the question. What if people did find value in what I was sharing? What if I could help others through my journey?

I dug deeper and realized the root of my fear: What if I’m not good enough? It’s a limiting belief that holds many of us back, lurking quietly in our subconscious.

I used the tools I’d learned to identify this belief—and remove it.

Then, I posted that first video. I wrote my first blog. I went on my first podcast. And something amazing happened: I loved it! My friends reached out to encourage me. Strangers contacted me, telling me how helpful my content was. I had discovered that creating content, something I’ve loved since I was five, could be part of growing my business.

The more I posted, the more I wanted to post. Two months ago, I never would have dreamed of writing this blog, being so vulnerable with so many people. But I know many of you feel the same way, because so many of my small business clients face the same fear and avoid social media.

So, I want to share three things I tell them:

1. Action leads to more action. When you take action, it frees you to be fearless in other areas of your life as well.

2. Nobody really cares. Everyone is focused on their own lives—they don’t even notice what you’re doing.

3. The people who love you will always love you. There are people who won’t like you—that’s okay. Focus on the ones who do.

To everyone who has reached out with kind words of encouragement—thank you! Your support is “Action Fuel” for me.

If you’re holding back because of fear of judgment, I urge you to run toward the very thing you’re afraid of. Break free from that fear and don’t waste another second holding yourself back.

Relearning Language

Ever felt like someone just doesn’t get what you’re saying—no matter how many times you explain it? You’re not alone. The problem might not be what you’re saying, but how you’re saying it.

The Hidden Language of Communication

We all have a primary communication style based on how we process information. In Neuro-Linguistic Programming (NLP), this is called your Preferred Representational System—and it shapes the way you understand and express ideas. There are four main types:

• Visual (V) – Think in pictures, use words like “I see what you mean” or “Let’s look at the big picture.”

• Auditory (A) – Process through sound, say things like “That rings a bell” or “I hear you.”

• Kinesthetic (K) – Learn through touch and feeling, use phrases like “This doesn’t feel right” or “I need to get a grip on this.”

• Auditory Digital (AD) – Think logically, preferring words like “That makes sense” or “I need to process this.”

The key to effective communication is recognizing the language someone else speaks and mirroring it.

The Power of Speaking Someone’s Language

I recently pitched a show to someone who was highly visual. I’m naturally kinesthetic, so I started by giving really giving him the feel for the show and the world. I talked about how this show would tap into something game show fans already loved. But he wasn’t engaged.

Then I realized my mistake. He didn’t want Feelings—he wanted the big picture. So I switched gears, using sight-based language: “Picture a game where contestants must focus on the stakes from the very first question.” Suddenly, he was locked in. Same message—different language.

This simple shift works in sales, relationships, and leadership. If your spouse is kinesthetic and you are trying to get them to see your point instead of really getting a feel for what they’re trying to communicate,” you’re missing an opportunity to connect. If you’re leading a team and your analytical employee needs logic and data, but you only give them vision and excitement, they may not buy in.

How to Identify Someone’s Communication Style

1. Listen to their words. Do they say “I hear you” (Auditory) or “I feel that” (Kinesthetic)?

2. Watch how they react. Visual people like charts, kinesthetic people appreciate hands-on learning, auditory people remember what you said, and AD types need logic to engage.

3. Test small adjustments. Try speaking in their representational system and see if they respond more positively.

Want to Instantly Improve Your Communication?

I’ve put together a free guide that breaks down a list of words to listen for so you can quickly identify someone’s communication style.

FREE GUIDE

Master this, and you’ll build stronger relationships, close more deals, and create deeper connections with everyone around you.

Success Is About Location. Are You In The Right Place?

We've all heard the phrase: "Location, location, location." In real estate, two nearly identical homes can have vastly different values based purely on where they are. A home in Palo Alto, California, has a median price of $3.5 million, while a similar home in Des Moines, Iowa, is around $215,000.

But here’s the thing—this principle applies to your success just as much as it does to real estate.

Once you have a clear vision of what you want in life, start thinking about your location. Where do the people who already have what you want spend their time? What events do they attend? What communities are they part of? What apps do they use? The more you immerse yourself in the right places, the more your mindset and habits start to align with success.

How the Right Location Changed My Life

Some of the most incredible experiences of my life happened simply because I put myself in the right place.

That Time I Played Pinball with James Brown

At 22 years old, I was an intern for a morning talk show called “Fox After Breakfast.” One day, they asked if anyone would come in at 5 AM to let people in for a sound check. I volunteered—what else was I going to do at 5 AM? Turns out, the person I let in was James Brown. I got to sit there as he performed directly to me. Then, we played pinball while we waited for the producers to arrive. He played pinball just like he performed. Grunting and yelling out “hit me” while he shuffled his feet. It was an amazing experience I will never forget. My location was everything.

From Answering Phones to Executive Producer

When Who Wants to Be a Millionaire was the biggest show on TV, I knew I wanted to be there. So I called someone I knew on the show and begged for a job. After asking multiple times, he helped to get me a job for one day as a fill-in to answer phones. That one day turned into one week, then one month. Eventually, I became the Executive Producer of the show. That never would have happened if I hadn't put myself in the right location.

Success Isn’t About Luck – It’s About Showing Up

People say success is about being in the right place at the right time. It’s not.

Success is about being in the right place all the time so that when the right moment comes, you’re already there. If you consistently put yourself in rooms filled with opportunities, people you can learn from, and potential clients, you will level up.

How to Use Location to Your Advantage

1. Find Role Models & Go Where They Go

Who already has the success you want? Figure out where they spend their time and go there. You’ll be exposed to the same information and opportunities they are.

2. Stay Up to Date on Industry News

Every industry has "trade secrets." Read industry blogs, listen to podcasts, and stay ahead of trends. Being informed makes networking easier and helps you spot opportunities others miss.

3. Attend Events

Conferences, networking meetups, and industry panels are goldmines. You never know who you’ll meet or what connections you’ll make.

4. Show Up Consistently

Most people already know where they should be spending their time, but they don’t follow through. If you want to find love, be active on dating apps. If you want to get healthy, go to the gym and read about nutrition. You have to GO in order to GROW.

The Bottom Line

Unlike real estate, you control your location when it comes to success. The question is:
Are you putting yourself in the places where success happens?

What Game Shows Taught Me About Running A Business

👉 Want to find out if you're truly serving your customer? Take the Business Lie Detector Quiz now! Click here

As an executive producer, I’ve learned that creating a successful game show is a lot like running a business. An executive producer is essentially the CEO of a television show—you have to have a clear concept that is easy to understand. You have to test and refine that concept, manage multiple stakeholders, and build a team. You oversee the workflow, branding, marketing, and the customer experience. Every game show I’ve worked on has been like launching a startup, and each one has taught me valuable lessons.

One of the biggest mistakes that you can make in both game shows or business is becoming too attached to something that isn’t working. Just because you love it, doesn’t mean your audience or customer is going to like it. That doesn’t mean that you can’t take chances or that you need to play it safe. I think the exact opposite is true. By not getting too attached to the original idea or the original product, you are free to grow. Taco Bell began as a hot dog stand. Samsung originally exported noodles and dry fish. Play-Doh was a wallpaper cleaner.

If these companies hadn’t pivoted and looked at their products creatively, they wouldn’t have had the success that they did. The first step in being able to take a look at your business, is to ask yourself if you are serving yourself or your customer.

One of my favorite quotes from Steve Jobs is: “Simplicity is the ultimate sophistication.” So often, we try so hard to make something work that we overcomplicate what was originally a simple and clear idea. If it takes you more than two sentences to tell me what your product is and why I need it, your message is too complicated and your product or services needs more clarity. Simplicity is not easy. As Steve Jobs also said, “It involves digging through depth of complexity. You have to go really deep.”

When I produced Who Wants to Be a Millionaire, we knew that the core of the show was great questions—that’s what the audience cared about most. They didn’t want gimmicks, specialty episodes and new lifelines. They wanted to watch a regular person face super interesting questions for one million dollars. We built everything around that, and it worked. The simplicity of the format made it one of the most successful game shows in history.

The lesson? Know your audience and keep it simple. Whether you’re producing a game show or running a business, you have to strip away distractions and focus on what truly matters to your customer. If you build around their needs, not just your own preferences, you’ll create something that lasts.

 Want to know if you’re truly serving your customers—or just yourself? Take my free Business Lie Detector Quiz and get the truth in 10 questions.

👉 Take The Quiz: Click Here

How I Overcame The “Poor Man” Mentality And Reached My Goals

When I was the executive producer of The Meredith Vieira Show, I was earning a great salary and living a life I had never imagined possible. I drove a convertible BMW, dined at the best restaurants in New York City, and even traveled to Italy to see Bruce Springsteen—where I got to hang out with the band afterward (the bandleader of our show was in the E Street Band).

Life was full of incredible opportunities, and I felt deeply grateful. With my third child on the way, my family needed more space. I had always dreamed of owning a big Colonial with a brick front and a grand entryway complete with a chandelier. I had a clear image of what my ideal home looked like, and pretty soon, that exact house became available. It was a beautiful Colonial on a cul-de-sac with around 4,000 square feet of living space. We moved in and filled it with new furniture and a big 4K television.

Growing up, I never could have imagined living in a house like this. My parents provided a great life for us, but money was often tight. We lived in a small home with three kids, and that was just our reality. I was so excited to show my new dream home to my dad, hoping he would be proud of me for working my way up to this beautiful house.

When my dad entered the house, he was visibly impressed. He walked around, commenting on how amazing it was. Then he paused and said, “Look at this—a poor man living in a rich man’s house.”

At that moment, his words stung. It was a comment that echoed the insecurities I already carried deep inside. Despite my success, I still saw myself as that kid from a modest home. My dad’s words triggered a flood of self-doubt: I wasn’t as smart or charismatic as others in my field. I didn’t belong in this house, this job, or this lifestyle. I felt like an imposter.

Even though I had worked hard for my career success, deep down I didn’t believe I deserved it. I carried limiting beliefs about my own worth, money, and the people who had it. Thoughts that had been ingrained in me since childhood played on a loop: “People with money think they’re better than everyone else.” “Money can’t buy happiness.” “Money is the root of all evil.”

After my dad’s visit, those old self-doubts began running the show. My outer world started to mirror my inner turmoil. The high-paying job went away. The BMW was traded in for a Nissan Pathfinder. The house was sold, and I moved into a rental. My subconscious had created an identity that I believed was true—a poor man trying to live a rich man’s life.

The Turning Point

It wasn’t until I began meditating and listening to my inner dialogue that I realized how harmful these limiting beliefs were. The first step was simply becoming aware of their existence. I began to separate myself from those thoughts and recognize that they weren’t the truth—they were just old stories I had been carrying around like a bag of rocks.

Thanks to the incredible tools that Neuro-Linguistic Programming (NLP) provided me, I was able to remove these limiting beliefs. I reprogrammed my mind to understand that I am capable of great things and deserving of success. My identity is now one of strength, growth, and persistence. This isn’t just something I tell myself; it’s something I believe to my core. I can and do achieve anything I put my mind to.

The Path Forward

Whether you are trying to find purpose, meet the love of your life, or lose weight, it all starts with recognizing and removing the limiting beliefs that no longer serve you. Once you remove those old stories, you will be amazed at how clear the path forward becomes.

What limiting beliefs are you carrying that might be holding you back? Take a moment to listen to your inner dialogue. Write down the thoughts that come up when you imagine achieving your biggest goals. Then ask yourself: Are these thoughts true, or are they outdated stories?

If I can overcome the belief that I was a poor man living in a rich man’s house, you can overcome the stories that are holding you back too. The life you want is within reach—it all starts with your mindset.

Find Your Purpose In Ten Questions

Purpose always seemed to find me when I was younger. When I was in college, baseball was my purpose. Then I stumbled into a television production class and knew immediately that would become my new purpose. In my 20’s stand-up comedy became my purpose and I spent half a decade in that world. I’ve played pinball with James Brown, hit a home run at Fenway Park & produced a $40 million dollar show out of 30 Rock. I’ve had an interesting and purposeful life.

Then I hit a wall. I no longer felt like I was living my purpose. This time I had no idea what was next. I searched, “How Do I Find My Purpose?” Each article I read had a series of questions. “What makes you happy?” If I knew the answer to this, I wouldn’t be searching on-line for my purpose. “What are you passionate about?” Well, at that point I was passionate about finding my purpose. “What are you good at?” I knew I was good at being funny, producing television shows and baseball, but none of that helped me to figure out what was next.

I’m sure these questions work for some people, but they just weren’t creative enough to get me thinking. I decided to curate and create my own list of questions that I still use about once a month to make sure I am always living my purpose.

Remember, life is more than just one targeted area. You can use these questions for career, but you can also use them for health, love, friendships, personal development, hobbies and family. Life is all about action and taking one step at a time, but first you need to know which direction to step in. Now here are some questions to gain clarity and discover your life’s purpose.

10 QUESTIONS TO FIND YOUR PURPOSE

1) If you could pick anyone in the world to teach you something, who would it be and what skill would they teach you?

2) What would you attempt to do if you knew you could not fail?

3) If you could instantly download any expertise into your brain, what would it be?

4) What do you love so much, that you forget to eat while you’re doing it?

5) If you knew you were going to be reincarnated, and you got to keep one skill or part of your personality, what would it be?

6) What is something you would have total FOMO over if your friends did it without you?

7) If you were to buy you a“world’s best” mug, what would it say?

8) What subject matter could you see yourself getting into a heated debate over?

9) What do you daydream about in the shower?

10) What do you hope 90-year old you gets to brag about some day?

Take 15 minutes to journal your answers to these questions and see what insights you uncover. Look for any common themes that pop up. If you need help getting clarity, book a free consultation with me and we can work through these questions together.

Burn Out: Three Warning Signs And Three Ways To Turn It Around.

According to a 2024 Gallup poll, 28% of U.S. employees say they feel burned out. Only 50 percent of employees say they are thriving in their work lives. Considering, the average person spends 90,000 hours of their life working, feeling burned out at work has a major impact on our health, our personal relationships and our happiness outside of work. Burn out at work often carries itself into your personal life and leaves people feeling trapped by their situation.

The good news is there are ways to overcome burnout. I know because I have overcome it and helped others do the same. Here are three signs you are heading for burn out and three ways to get out of it.

3 Burn Out Warning Signs

1)    Exhaustion

You constantly feel tired. No matter how much sleep or rest you get, you just feel like you can’t catch up. I have a client who used to work as hard as he could and then when he would get close to achieving his goals, he would crash, burn out and lose all of his progress. I remember when I faced burn out, I was drinking 3-5 coffees a day and couldn’t understand why it wasn’t working. I was burned out!

2)    Detachment

You feel like nothing you do really matters, so why bother. You feel you lack options. You’re no longer engaged, enthused or invested. You begin doubting your abilities and become cynical or negative.

3)    Lack of Self Care

You’re not taking care of yourself like you used to. You don’t exercise, eat healthy or participate in your hobbies. You are not sleeping. You are relying on caffeine and alcohol to help manage your emotions and energy.

3 Things That Can Help Handle Burnout

1)    Built in Breaks

I believe in a morning practice before you even get the day started. I meditate for 15 minutes and journal for another 15 every morning. When you are facing burnout, this can seem overwhelming, so start small. Try the 2:1 rule. Every two hours, take one minute for yourself. Put an alarm on your phone so that every two hours you step away from work to do a one-minute meditation. This can be a breathing exercise, where you do breathe in through your nose and count to five. Release the breath out through your mouth and count to 10. Do this four times. It can also be a presence meditation such as the Hawaiian practice of Hakalua. You find a focal point above and slowly expand the peripheral awareness.

Also, build in a big, one hour break each week where you can really practice self-care and do something that reconnects you to what you love and who you are.

2)    Ask For Help

What can you delegate to someone else? Try to take anything off of your plate that you can. Talk to your co-workers to see how they are managing a similar workload. Talk to management about finding ways to lighten your workload so you can be more effective in the tasks you are responsible for. Ask for temporary help at home doing the many tasks you have to achieve. Also, learn to just say no to some requests especially if you are a people pleaser. Nobody in your life is benefiting from you being burnt out.

3)    Find The Root Cause

Once you start to feel a little better, you have to find the root cause of your burn out and put together a plan to make changes. You might see no way out, but there are always other options if you do a little digging. Maybe it is time to start searching for a new job if your requests for help aren’t being heard. If you are a leader with too much on your plate, maybe reorganizing the responsibilities of your staff could lift some pressure.

Just knowing that there are options is already a bit of relief. Ask yourself, where is most of the stress coming from? Is it too much work? Is it the way you are being treated? Is the work no longer satisfying? Finding the root cause and seeing your options is ultimately where you need to get to or you will end up in a burn out loop.

Regardless of your role in the workplace, burn out is very real and must be handled with empathy and kindness. If you are a leader of a company and your staff is feeling burned out, you need to be caring and empathetic. Listen to what people are saying and consider any changes you can make to help relieve them. If you are the one going through burn out, be kind to yourself. Understand that this doesn’t need to be forever and you deserve a work environment where you can thrive.

BABY STEPS

My dream growing up was to become a major league baseball player. Despite my love of the game, I just wasn’t good enough make the cut when I tried out for little league. It was winter and the ground was covered with snow. I went into my cold, wet, musky basement, took a piece of chalk and drew a batter’s box. My mind told me it wasn’t really worth it. How much better would I get by throwing a ball ten feet? I didn’t let the negativity win. I decided to get a notebook and every day keep track of how many pitches out of 100 landed in that batter’s box. I visualized myself pitching in a little league game and striking out the side. As my arm got stronger and stronger, the ball would fly back at me at frightening speeds. There is nothing like a hard baseball ricocheting toward your teeth to get you to quickly learn how to catch. As part of my self-preservation, my reaction time was getting better and better. I began getting closer and closer to the wall. Throwing the ball as hard as I could and seeing if I could react. I could catch anything that was hit or thrown my way and I knew it.

I went into that basement intending for one thing and came out with something else. I thought I would build arm strength. I instead began to build mind strength. I understood that it is the doing that matters. Nothing happens without action. If I decided the basement was too wet, too small or too scary, I wouldn’t have grown. I wouldn’t have learned that there is a key to any door you want to open that already exists within your mind.

Soon, throwing at the wall wasn’t enough. I needed to become a better hitter. I took my bat into the basement. I began taking 100 swings every day. Visualizing the ball sailing over the fence for my first ever home run. Rounding the bases as my Mom and Dad clapped along with all of the other parents. One day when I was practicing, I started to hear a noise I had never heard. It was the whoosh of the wind as the speed of my bat sliced through the heavy basement air. I went from 100 swings to swinging until my hands were blistered. I wanted my family to hear the whoosh from upstairs. That became my new goal. To swing so hard, that my family could hear it from another floor.

The spring arrived and it was time for little league tryouts. I was ready! During the tryout I did everything I visualized. I crushed the ball. I made perfect throws. I fielded everything hit my way. Yet I still didn’t make a team. I was devastated. How could my best still not be good enough? I began to find reasons. I wasn’t friends with the coach’s kids. I wasn’t tall enough. They already knew who they were picking ahead of time. My feelings were hurt. My ego was bruised. I wanted to give up. My Dad saw that I was upset and told me to take it out on the ball. This is still something I do today. When I feel like things aren’t going as planned, I dig my heals in even harder. This is perseverance.

For the kids that didn’t make it in little league, they had something called minor league. Anyone could play minor league. Kids quickly became too afraid to pitch to me. I was hitting the ball too hard for them to catch at that level. I had finally tasted success. Even though I was good enough for little league, this is exactly what I needed. I needed to taste success. To see my growth against the same competition that used to be at my level. You may think you’re ready for something, but this is another great lesson. The universe may need to still teach you something before you get your shot. That way, when you do get the shot, you will thrive.

Every single time you are faced with an obstacle, use it to your advantage. All adversity is an opportunity for growth. You’re naturally going to be disappointed. Don’t be hard on yourself for feeling those thoughts of sadness and rejection. Just don’t live in that emotional space. Use every single rejection as fuel to make it impossible for anything to hold you back. That’s exactly what I did in the minor leagues. After I was done feeling sorry, I started taking it out on the ball. I was not only taking it out on the ball in the minor leagues, I was also pitching and cruising my way to win after win. It wasn’t long before I got the call and went on to play little league.

Becoming a pro and playing for the Red Sox wasn’t in the cards, but that basement and the game of baseball taught me something about myself. I could accomplish big things if I worked hard and visualized positive results. So much joy came out of that entire process. Working hard at something and seeing results is one of the greatest gifts you can receive. Showing up can be difficult, but when you do, the results will come. Learn to respect and enjoy the journey as you move one foot in front of the other toward your goals. Even small steps will eventually lead you to your destination.

I went from not being able to make a little league team, to being a bench warmer to eventually being the MVP of my high school baseball team. In my junior year I batted .615, which led the entire state of Massachusetts. I went on to play in college, but never made it to the pros. I did however hit that home run at Fenway. In 2012, the Red Sox had such a terrible year, that they invited a few lucky fans to take 5 swings at Fenway Park. When I was 39-years old, on my fifth and final swing, I sent a ball flying into the right field seats as my family cheered from the sideline. My vision had been realized.

SUMMARY

*Show up for what you want. Keep moving your feet forward. Taking small steps can lead to a great distance over time.

*Use visualization to reach your goals. Don’t just picture what you want. Feel what it is like to have what you want.

*Avoid creating obstacles. Fear and anxiety will often help our minds to create obstacles which encourages us to give up. Don’t create obstacles. Use your energy to find solutions.

*When something is frustrating you, take it out on the ball. Pour your energy into whatever it is you want. Use the frustration in a positive way by burning that energy to create the future you want.

Are You A Porsche With Problems?

When I was in my 20’s, one of my good friends was already making a ton of money in sales and so of course he went out and bought a Porsche. On the outside this car was pristine. Whoever had it before him had washed and waxed this beautiful car to make sure it stayed in mint condition. My friend decided to move across the country to the west coast. We loaded up the Porsche with two duffle bags and hit the road. We only made it about 100 miles before we started to have trouble. The Porsche couldn’t go more than 30 Miles Per Hour as we struggled to get up a steep incline. Whoever had owned this Porsche did a great job taking care of the exterior, but under the hood it was a mess. The Porsche did eventually make it to California and then completely broke down one month after our arrival.

I tell this story because I went on to become exactly like this Porsche. At age 40, I had achieved my dream of becoming the executive producer of a talk show being produced out of the famed 30 Rock. The show was right across the hall from “The Tonight Show.” I just bought a beautiful new house and we had an Audi and Infiniti parked in the driveway. My bank account was growing each week and I was looking really good on paper.

Like the Porsche, I looked incredible on the surface. On the inside, I was a mess. I was working 100 hours per week to make this show successful. I was sleeping across the street in a hotel so I didn’t have to commute back and forth to New Jersey. My kids weren’t seeing me much and my home life was beginning to unravel. I didn’t realize it at the time, but this lifestyle was breaking me down.

When the show ended, I was diagnosed with a serious lung condition. I couldn’t sleep because my lungs were crackling. I was exhausted, depressed and not a lot of fun to be around. That is when I began working on what was on the inside. I had to get under the hood and work on my engine.

Whether you are a Porsche with problems or just want to love yourself with more regularity, here are three things I did to get back on track.

1)    One Hour Playdate Each Week

I got this from the fantastic book “The Artists Way.” Each week I would spend one hour doing something by myself and for myself. I played pool with an old pool shark, I took a yoga class, I went to a comic book store, I listened to vinyl records. Anything that woke the child inside of me and reconnected me to that spirit was what I was after. This is easier said than done. I was so resistant to coming up with things to do and then finding the time to them. Yet, every time I completed these playdates, I felt alive.

2)    Create A Morning Routine

For so many years, I would wake up at the crack of dawn and hit the ground running. I was starting at 100 MPH. Then I worked with the chairman of Comcast who told me he started each day working out at 5 AM. He needed to clear his head before going to the office. He also loved getting to work so early because there were no distractions and he got more done before people arrived. Now I begin each day by meditating for 15 minutes followed by a 20-minute workout routine. This routine guarantees that I am spending time every day on both my physical and mental health.

3)    Big Plans

Once a week playtime is a great start, but what are you doing for yourself each quarter? What is the big thing you’re doing for yourself this year? Having things to look forward to is a great motivator. When we are just running in place and caught in the same old loop, it is hard to focus and work toward our goals. Plan one big thing per quarter. Go on a camping trip with your friends. Take a weekend spa trip. See what bands are coming to your area and book a night out with your friends. Then plan a really big self-care event once a year. These events will regenerate your spirit and always have you looking forward to something coming up.