Relearning Language
Ever felt like someone just doesn’t get what you’re saying—no matter how many times you explain it? You’re not alone. The problem might not be what you’re saying, but how you’re saying it.
The Hidden Language of Communication
We all have a primary communication style based on how we process information. In Neuro-Linguistic Programming (NLP), this is called your Preferred Representational System—and it shapes the way you understand and express ideas. There are four main types:
Visual (V) – Think in pictures, use words like “I see what you mean” or “Let’s look at the big picture.”
Auditory (A) – Process through sound, say things like “That rings a bell” or “I hear you.”
Kinesthetic (K) – Learn through touch and feeling, use phrases like “This doesn’t feel right” or “I need to get a grip on this.”
Auditory Digital (AD) – Think logically, preferring words like “That makes sense” or “I need to process this.”
The key to effective communication is recognizing the language someone else speaks and mirroring it.
The Power of Speaking Someone’s Language
I recently pitched a show to someone who was highly visual. I’m naturally kinesthetic, so I started by giving really giving him the feel for the show and the world. I talked about how this show would tap into something game show fans already loved. But he wasn’t engaged.
Then I realized my mistake. He didn’t want Feelings—he wanted the big picture. So I switched gears, using sight-based language: “Picture a game where contestants must focus on the stakes from the very first question.” Suddenly, he was locked in. Same message—different language.
This simple shift works in sales, relationships, and leadership. If your spouse is kinesthetic and you are trying to get them to see your point instead of really getting a feel for what they’re trying to communicate,” you’re missing an opportunity to connect. If you’re leading a team and your analytical employee needs logic and data, but you only give them vision and excitement, they may not buy in.
How to Identify Someone’s Communication Style
Listen to their words. Do they say “I hear you” (Auditory) or “I feel that” (Kinesthetic)?
Watch how they react. Visual people like charts, kinesthetic people appreciate hands-on learning, auditory people remember what you said, and AD types need logic to engage.
Test small adjustments. Try speaking in their representational system and see if they respond more positively.
Want to Instantly Improve Your Communication?
I’ve put together a free guide that breaks down a list of words to listen for so you can quickly identify someone’s communication style.
Master this, and you’ll build stronger relationships, close more deals, and create deeper connections with everyone around you.
